More on Covert Narcs

Covert Narcissist

What Fulfills a Narc

 The narcissist is initially fulfilled when he or she hones in on a person who has characteristics of a good attention source such as…………

••a loving heart

••a non judgmental disposition

••the ability to trust others

••has the kind of integrity that renders the attention source manipulatable

••has a personality that will give a person he or she cares about the benefit of the doubt.

Another factor that will assist in fulfilling the narcissist concerns whether the narcissist can make his or her significant other (SO) totally compliant and completely manipulatable.

I think many narcissists pretend that there is no method to their seemingly arbitrary and capricious life choices in which they seem to utilize no forethought.

Additionally, I think although many narcissists may very well play coy or dumb, I believe there is a method to their, at times, seemingly unstructured "shoot from the hip" madness..

Specifically, I think many narcissists want to slowly but surely wear down their significant others/opponents into a state of "exhausted compliance."

In other words, the narcissist's fulfillment end game is to have his SO lulled into submission. Consequently, the SO attention module behaves in the manner a compliant attention module should.

Therefore, the narcissist needs to condition his single function SO automaton insuring that it is at all times..……….

•powerless

•without control

•unquestioning

•totally compliant

•at full attention production capacity

How is it that the narcissist who seems so chaotic and disorganized is seemingly always ten moves ahead of his SO on the interpersonal relationship chessboard?

It must not be an easy for the narcissist to without detection coordinate his attention modules in such a way that a freshly groomed module is ever primed at the ready to assume attention provision duties.

I think one way the narcissist always "stays ahead"of his SO is by exhausting the primary SO attention module into submission.

The Narcissist's Intentional Infliction of Emotional Exhaustion and Distress Tactics

I think many narcissists ultimate goal is to get the SO to simply surrender rather put up a fight whenever a interpersonal relationship conflict arises. Perhaps this is why the narcissist..….

•must "win" every text exchange

•must "win" every phone message battle

•if psychically wounded, must inflict an even greater emotional wound upon his SO

•immediately follows every good time had with a more memorable bad experience

•makes every disagreement a battle of the ages

•intermittently rages which, in turn, wears out the SO due to her need to be hyper vigilant in effort to always be prepared to side step seemingly random over the top attacks..

Mental Exhaustion Shock and Awe Campaign

Once the SO attention module has been subjected to the narcissist's post idealization mental exhaustion shock and awe campaign, the SO is may very well be "tenderized and seasoned properly" such that rather than confronting the narcissist, the SO thinks to herself, "the hell with whatever the fight is about, it's easier to just do it the narcissist's way."

The typical SO attention module generally is not predisposed to engage in undue and meaningless conflicts.

Therefore, in addition to choosing an attention module that is sufficiently conflict averse, the narcissist will hedge his bets in regard to assuring his or her SO's compliance by responding to every relationship conflict as if it's a no holds barred war..

Once the SO is so "shot out" due to sheer exhaustion, she will be "appropriately primed and conditioned" to accept the narcissist's every dictate -- regardless of how inequitable, and one sided it may be.

Conclusion

In sum, a narcissist will be fulfilled if he or she snags a significant other who has the right blend of decency and gullibility.

Thereafter, if the narcissist can render "the attention provision module," to a state of total compliance without complaint, the narcissist will be fulfilled."

Dramatic Arc and notes for novel

My ideas so far:
I may try to do nanowrimo this year with this book, finally!

Begins at meeting for people dealing with narcissism. Lots of opportunities to introduce characters. One of them will evesdrop from the hall.

Update 9-12-19

I texted my son about 9-11. He is the one that called me that horrible morning as Bob and I were getting ready for the Chamber meeting. Tuesday. He texted back (I should be happy about that. At least I know he is alive.) a very short text about that it was not a good morning. I think he sent it because it was phrased like he would. I know narcissists are capable of anything so I wouldn't put it past her. I have done enough reading now to know she is a classic narcissist, overt and covert. He is in for a real mess once Po can't do her thing, or she gets really sick, or she dies (75). It will all boil over then. He has lost all of his family and friends. She has isolated him.

Truth Telling

WC 284


They sit across from each other sipping lattes. Starbucks is bustling, but the mother recognizes no one.

“She has her fangs in you, Johnny.”

The mother waits for a reaction; when she gets none, she continues.

“I love you and want the best for you. I may not get another chance, so I am being bolder than I should be.”

Her son is married to a beauty queen; he can see nothing but her looks. The truth never reaches him. A narcissist, she is chipping away at every relationship he holds dear. Friends, one by one, are pushed out. His sisters (and their children) are on the outside looking in.

“To sneak around like this is so wrong?” The mother’s cancellation was so swift and cruel that she desperately wants to add, “That woman is evil. A demon!” but that would sound crazy--so she doesn’t.

“I have to go, Mom.”

“You won’t even hear me out?”

“There’s a conference call I can’t miss.”

“You’re just saying that. I’ve said too much…” She touches his hand. “Honey, have I lost you for good?”

A tear slides down his cheek; he wipes it away. “I really have to go.”

“I’m worried for you.”

“I know her, Mom.”

“You don’t, Johnny. You’re too close to it.”

He gets up and walks over to his mother. Enveloping her in his arms, he whispers, “I’ve seen beneath her mask. I’m handling it. Trust me.”

He picks up his latte. “Please wait. We can have lunch after the call.”

He kisses her on the forehead and hurries out the door; she sits in relieved silence sipping her mocha latte.